Releasing the Pressure

Do you ever feel like you're the soda in a 20oz bottle that someone has shaken up and you're just waiting to explode? Now any person who was paying attention would slowly release the pressure before attempting to take a drink of that soda. I suppose what I'm getting at is that I have learned to control my emotions that way.

Shake me up a little and I'm alright. Shake me up a lot and I'll explode, on the wrong person too because by that time, by the time all the pressure has built up the right person to explode on won't be around anymore. I don't like creating extra messes, mainly because I don't want to have to clean up more than is necessary. So, to avoid that I learned to slowly release the pressure, a little here and a little there, till eventually you can twist the cap all the way off (or open that part of my heart all the way up) without fear of getting covered in a sticky mess. It sounds like a good plan. Most of the time it is. But it only really works if you continue to consistently release the pressure little by little; that's the part that I am not so good with. I will release the pressure a little bit and then forget, I close the lid tightly and let the pressure build again. Or I go totally flat to the point where I'm not feeling anything. Neither is very good.

I'm not really sure what I'm getting at by saying all of this. I think I just needed to say it out loud, or see it written down, I don't know. I don't really recommend my method, but by that same notion sometimes releasing the pressure a little at a time is the only way to do it. Sometimes it's the only way that I can handle it. Sometimes the person I am most afraid of exploding all over is myself, which doesn't make the most sense, but sometimes I wonder if I release all the pressure at once then will I be unable to clean it up?

It's interesting, the ways we learn to protect ourselves from even ourselves.

Sometimes I Just Don't Know...

God is a God of revelation. He loves to let us in on the secret! But God is also a God of mystery, for without mystery there would be no secret to tell. He is as good at keeping the secret as He is at revealing it. He's consistent that way. The danger for us is that we get complacent or impatient and we lose interest in something full of His greatness and glory.

It happens a lot in relationships and that's sad, because it was never meant to be that way. But we get to thinking that we know someone, we begin to anticipate their responses, their decisions, and their heart until eventually they feel as though we have put them in a box that says we have them figured out. That's suffocating for the person inside and controlling for the one who put them there. I hate feeling like someone has figured me out and I hate it when people treat me like they have. I've noticed that I've stopped doing certain things or saying certain things because I've heard it so often that I just shouldn't do that or that it isn't me. Sometimes people even tell me that God does talk to me 'like that' even though I'm the one that had the conversation with Him and He absolutely does. And I LOVE that He talks to me on a level that makes sense to me, that gets me to laugh even when I'm crying or gets me to shut up when I feel like I still have so much to say. I LOVE that He can do that!

I am not against God bringing revelation about myself to someone else and that someone else telling me. I'm against that revelation being used against me. I'm against being bullied by something that God found reason to trust that person with. I am not perfect either and I have put people in boxes, but relationships get really old really fast that way. Lately I constantly find myself being surprised by people in my life; just when I think I have them figured out they do something (any size of something) just to remind me that I don't and that I probably never will. I LIKE that too.

I like that there will always be something to learn about the people I hold closest. I like that if I'm really honest then iron will always sharpen iron. I like that I have the choice to never get bored in my relationships. If God is great at both keeping secrets and revealing them then shouldn't we be great at anticipating that there will always be a secret to be told, there will always be something glorious that we don't know, that He is waiting to tell us?

Relationships at their best are indeed work, but that doesn't mean work can't be fun!

Love ALWAYS...

"It ALWAYS protects, ALWAYS trusts, ALWAYS hopes, ALWAYS perseveres." 1 Corinthians 13:7

Love ALWAYS...

Love is so much more than a word, so much more than a feeling. Love is not only a verb as it stands alone, but it ALWAYS attaches itself to another action word. Trust. Hope. Protect. Love is ALWAYS doing something. There is nothing half done about it.

Just imagine with me, for a moment, a relationship where love ALWAYS went beyond the expectation. A relationship where love ALWAYS tried to outdo itself instead of outdo the other person. That's what Love Himself did. He created the universe and it was good. He created man and woman and that was good. Then He sent His Son to pay for what humanity had done and that was good; that was perfect. And now, everyday, He shows something more, something bigger, something greater than ourselves.

He says, "You shall love Me because I have ALWAYS..." (fill in the blank). What has He ALWAYS done for you? What had Love ALWAYS done for you?

There are plenty of ways to love wrong, but only one way to do it right, and that is ALL the way! ALL the time! ALWAYS!

Sometimes love will look like patience, or grace, or even silence. Sometimes love will be letting go, accepting change, even moving on. Sometimes love will feel thankless, meaningless, and sometimes it's exhausting. But love is ALWAYS present when the heart is willing to do it right, whatever the cost of that may be.

LOVE ALWAYS...

Change Is A Different Sort of Thing

When you think about it, there are so many ways to deal with change. We can fight it, we can run from it, we can pretend it isn't happening, we can get angry with it, we can isolate ourselves, and the list goes on and on. Right now, change is something that I am learning to deal with in a healthy way, and it's not easy. Change stands like an adversary, towering over the creature of habit in me that likes the predictability of certain things because I find comfort in them. But the risk with comfort, with the exception of finding comfort in God, is that you become lazy and complacent. We hit a wall and wonder why we can't break through it or climb over it and it's because we take for granted what mystery and change and a lack of comfort can do for the spirit. 

A rather large and unpleasant change announced its presence in my life at the beginning of this year. My initial reactions were anger, sadness, isolation, and to pretend that it wasn't actually happening. It was the "out of sight, out of mind" mentality at its best. The interesting thing about all the different ways we can choose to deal with change is that they all have one thing in common, none of them keep the change from happening! We either get to participate in it or we don't, but either way it's coming whether we like it or not. I did not like this change, hence the way I was behaving. However, though I was angry and sad and didn't feel like being around anyone because I didn't feel like anyone understood me, I wasn't making anything easier on myself. 

It's only been recently that I was willing to accept this change, but in my acceptance of this one there were several smaller ones that followed in its stead. Each unpleasant in its own way and each time I had to consciously choose to let the change come and not to fight it. An interesting thing happens when you decide to surrender your right to fight a move of God (another misconception is that we have that right, we really don't). God's word says that He works out everything for the good of those who love Him, so if I love Him, then no matter how much I hate what's happening it's still going to work out for my good. Now I have to remember that it's going to work for my good according to His will, but if it's for my good it really can't be that bad even if it's not what I envision. 

The smaller changes that I mentioned, they're changes that I didn't see coming. (Unfortunately, the big change that came, that I sort of watched unfold.) And with each one I would ask God what He was doing to me. God will answer our questions when we are ready to hear the answers and so it took a little while of me asking before He shared with me the why. In short, it's because He loves me. However the long version is that He knows what's important to me. He knows the depth of love that runs through me because He gave me the ability to go that deep (and deeper still). He knows that I would do anything to protect what my heart cherishes. Now, when we tell God (or someone else) that we would do anything there is usually a string attached, the more truthful statement would be 'anything, but...' (and you can fill in the blank). The thing that I hold dearest to my heart are the relationships with the people in my life and my 'anything, but...' statement usually reads, 'God I will do anything but walk away'. 

I wrestled for a long time with abandonment issues, deep ones, and every so often I still do. Something will come up that I didn't know was still lingering and I need to receive more healing. But I still have not settled with how walking away from someone, how after holding them so close that letting them go could be the best thing for them, because it wasn't the best thing for me. My past is littered with moments where I have been held close and then thrown across the yard like the morning paper. It's not a very good feeling and I have never wanted to be the one to dole something like that out. Again, God knows the desires of my heart and He never intended anyone to abandon or know the pain of abandonment. My cry, to not be associated with that in any way is a good thing! It is a cry after my Father's own heart. However there is a fine line between not abandoning someone and becoming their savior. I was never meant to play that role either. 

A few days ago God and I were having a conversation and we were talking about how He spoke to me about a specific relationship in my life. He told me that if I wanted to care for it properly that I was to give Him back the gift that He gave to me. This person is an incredible joy to have in my life and in the beginning giving the gift back wasn't hard, in fact it was such a joy; it was like we were playing hot potato with it. God would give it to me and then I would give it back and then He would give it back in greater measure, it was incredible! But when other areas in your life start to undergo spiritual surgery or natural change it is easy to get distracted. It is easy to get careless. It is easy to hang onto the good thing with more diligence because fear creeps in and you worry that you're going to lose it along with everything else. And in a sense, that's what happened. Then God showed me a new picture. In this new picture I was embracing this gift, but this gift was still in Papa's hands. He didn't hand it over to me, He just extended His reach to me. In order to embrace the gift I also had to embrace His hands. If I truly love and cherish this gift like I claim to then I will do whatever is required to love it. 

That's the way we are created to work. If we're going to love others then love God first and love them through Him. It's that simple. Love doesn't mean that we do everything, it means that we do what is required by the example that has been set for us. There have been plenty of relationships in my life where I have done everything thinking that I was loving well only to come to the end and realize that I completely missed the point. The tendency is for us to play the victim and say that everyone, even God, is out to ruin our lives when that isn't true, especially of Him. 

I don't like the change that is taking place in my life right now, not the big one or the smaller ones and I may never like them. I don't understand at this point what good can come from them, but that doesn't mean good won't come. Everything in me wants to fight the changes with everything I have, but it is a great tactic of the enemy to distract me with a battle that I can't win and I won't fall into that, not this time. There's an incredible peace that comes when you decide not to argue with the Maker of the Universe. 

We are the change that the world is waiting for, but that means we have to know how to deal with change when the change comes. 

Missions Trip to Guatemala

Hello Friends and Family, 

For most of you there is much to catch up on, however this email will be project specific. 

This past February a very good friend of mine had the wonderful opportunity to go to Guatemala with a missions team. A week later, when she came home, the first thing she said to me was, "Next time, you're coming with me." So, after much prayer and wrestling through doubts/concerns as to whether or not it was even realistic financially and simply timing wise, I am going, in June and that is why I am writing all of you. 

The trip is from June 9 to June 17th, and we will be going to Mision El Faro in Guatemala (http://www.fundacionephraim.org/Mision_El_Faro/Home.html). It is Guatemalan based, inter-denominational Christian organization that serves to bring the love of God to the people of Guatemala through camps and retreats, providing medical services, children's ministries, and much more. However, because of the favor that my friend received with those she worked along side with she was given the opportunity to lead a team from the states in doing something a little different this time around. We have a team of six going, several with the heart to bring the arts to the more rural areas of the nation. I have been dubbed the one to document the trip, as well as serve wherever I may be needed, which I am very excited about. For those of you who even browse my Facebook it's not hard to see that pictures are something I take pride in. It has been several years since I have been on a missions trip and I am very much looking forward to not only the ways that I will be able to be a blessing, but also the ways that I will be blessed. 

This is the part where I ask for your help. While I wish otherwise, money is necessary to make this trip happen and the total cost is $1300.00. However, what is more necessary is prayer covering. We do not fight things of this world and prayer is important for winning the battle before we even get there. Please partner with me in whatever way you feel the Holy Spirit leading you! Some specific prayer requests of mine are:

1. That my passport comes in on time (that will be a miracle all it's own)
2. That all of my financial support comes in
3. Health and safety on the flight and the while in Guatemala
4. Unity among the team that we take for a missions trip not only tests our relationship with God but also with those we work with 

Thank you all so much for taking the time to read this and take it to the Lord in prayer! Below is a link to my PayPal account if you want to donate financially to this amazing opportunity! 

https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=KQ9UBSYPD9TPS

You are wonderful and I am so grateful to be able to share this journey that God is taking me on with you!

With Many Blessings and the All His Love, 

Brandi 

2012 Movies...

New Year's Eve
The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo
The Iron Lady
50/50
Jack and Jill
We Bought A Zoo
Cars 2
The Descendants
Snow Flower and the Secret Fan
The Double
The Art of Getting By
Conan the Barbarian
Joyful Noise
Safe House
The Vow
Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close
Underworld Awakening
Columbiana
You Again
The Other Woman
The Lorax
The Hunger Games
The Lucky One
Haywire
Mirror Mirror
The Avengers 
War Horse

Who Does the Rescuing?

In typical fairy tale fashion the prince is to rescue the princess. There's a dragon to slay or a witch to get rid of or both. But if you'll notice, fairy tales aren't realistic. Most women aren't actually locked away in a tower guarded by a dragon nor do we live with seven short-statured men. Personally, I'm not looking for 'typical'. I don't like the fairy tales with a damsel in distress who needs their knight in shining armor to ride in on a white horse and rescue them from the impending doom. I am not denying that I need to be rescued, nor am I saying that I don't want my knight in shining armor to come in on a white horse, because I do! What I am saying is that sometimes the prince needs to be rescued before he can do the rescuing, and why can't the princess be the one to do that? She's not always holed up in a tower!

My favorite fairy tale is Beauty and The Beast. Belle's imprisonment was by choice, her sacrifice set her father free; it was a gesture the Beast could not even begin to understand. Initially her mission was to rescue her father and then because Belle chose to take Maurice's place, her mission became about rescuing someone else. What I love most about Belle is not her bravery, though it's inspiring; it's that her physical imprisonment did not imprison her character. Locked away in the castle Belle managed to hold onto what she was worth as a person, as a woman. She did not bend to the blatant rudeness of the Beast, her steadfastness ultimately made him bend to her. Belle was forward, she was firm, but compassionate, and that compassion moved the Beast. And yes, I am well aware that I am talking about a cartoon, drawn by human hands, but the story line came from someone's heart; someone who knew that men needed to be reminded compassion is not cowardly and sacrifice is not a weakness. Someone who knew that women needed to be reminded that we can be strong and beautiful and eloquent.

Beauty and The Beast is a beautiful love story of sacrifice and seeing past the exterior, of love and overcoming the odds, of relationship being a two-way street. More than anything that's what I want. I don't want to be locked in a tower waiting for my prince to come, and I don't want my prince to be waiting for me. I want us to rescue one another. I want to save him as much as I want him to save me. I don't want the fairy tale, I want real life, and real life means that some of the risk has to be mine. More than anything I want that! 

Hush Little Baby...

Sometimes God heals your hurts by taking the hurtful things from you. Sometimes He does it by asking you to lay it down and doesn't tell you if you'll be picking it back up again. Sometimes He does it by simply having you work through it with wisdom and grace. And sometimes He uses a completely different situation to restore what you thought you lost for good. 


This past week I had one conversation that put so much into perspective for me. God brought to the surface a hurt that I had not yet openly confronted because I didn't like talking about the fact that I had been hurt at all. God cares enough that I don't like talking about it to know that I need to talk about it and to provide an opportunity for it to happen. Well, it happened. And no, I didn't like it, but I am so grateful for it! Sometimes we have to speak our fears out loud to realize how ridiculous they sound! My fear sounded ridiculous (so said my friend), but it stemmed from a truth and so was very real for me. Needless to say, it's not real anymore. God is using an entirely different situation, and a brand new friendship to restore things in me that I had been previously robbed of. It's amazing and God is so faithful! 


After the conversation I just felt this peace come over me! It's a beautiful thing when God whispers in your ear that everything is going to be alright!

The September Dead

It was my freshman year and I hadn't even been at school a week. I remember that morning like it was yesterday, time stood still as the nation was stunned to silence and tears. Now May 1, 2011 is another day I will not soon forget. I was sitting in a coffee shop in Old Town with friends, we hadn't been there twenty minutes before we heard the news and we immediately went to our phones to see how accurate it was; after all word spread like wildfire on Facebook and we all know how reliable that is. The first article we saw said "Unconfirmed", but as the night went on the details came out and the celebrating started. "Osama Bin Laden is dead!", walking down the street it was everywhere. Everyone wanted to make sure that the good news had spread. 'Good news', that phrase makes me smile a crooked smile.

It's good news for many and for those who found cause in it to celebrate part of me envies you, because I could not. I wish the death of one man made a difference to me, but it doesn't. In fact I wish all the "good" we've done with this war mattered to me, but it doesn't. I realize how unpopular my opinion is and I don't mean to offend anyone! I am grateful to the soldiers who were willing to go and to the families who clenched their fists and held their breath awaiting their return. I can never thank you enough for the sacrifice that you made! But one man's death doesn't change what happened that day or the days and months and years that followed. We invaded a nation where we couldn't tell the difference between the guilty and the innocent because they invaded us and didn't care if there was a difference. I was devastated that day, I pleaded with God to wake me from the nightmare and I wasn't even there. My heart broke with those of people I would never meet and I mourned the loss of those I would never know.

 In the days that followed I realized that the nation I foolishly believed was somehow above such an atrocity, wasn't, and war had been brought to us. It was at our front door demanding our attention and we dared not look the other way. I understood our need to respond and I understand the need for justice. In the months or years it took to plan the attack our enemy recruited thousands of unknowing Americans to be the first casualties of a war we never saw coming. I burned with hatred at the evil man is capable of, and I burned with anger at its effectiveness, but I did not want the war!

There's a reason God says that vengeance is His (Romans 12:19), He doesn't want us fighting either. I wish we would have listened. Both sides have lost thousands, soldiers come home with PTSD, missing limbs, nightmares, and in caskets. Children have lost their fathers, mothers, aunts and uncles, their siblings. We've spent billions dollars, and for what? Bin Laden was a monster preying on the innocent, but how many of those in the Middle East say the same about us? How many would say that we are worse? How many are celebrating his death as a martyr while we celebrate those who took his life? This war stopped being about justice a long time ago, now it's about which side blinks first. Sometimes I wonder what things would look like today had we done nothing. If we had mourned our loss, rallied to rebuild, but had not chosen to fight back. It is so much more difficult to refuse a war or stop one then it is to start one. Was the initial bloodshed not more than enough?!

Sometimes I wonder if I would feel differently had I been there. I wonder if vengeance would've been at the top of my list instead of healing had I lost someone that day. I was lucky, all the people I knew in New York were terrified, but safe. I wonder if I had been on one of the planes if in the moments before it was over I would be hoping my country would avenge my death. I can't honestly answer any of the questions I have asked myself over the last ten years about that day. Every answer I would give is tainted by the events that have happened and by what I believe. Every answer I would give is only what I would hope to be the truth, and even at that it's safe to say most wouldn't like it.

My heart aches for the families who have lost loved ones, for the city that will never be the same, and the nation that realized the hard way it is not invincible. But my heart also aches for those who's hatred burned so red hot that they believed this act of violence was the only way to quench it. I ache for those who carried this out in the name of God and will enter eternity only to realize they had no idea who He was or what He wanted for them.

A decade passed and we finally killed the man, but killing the man doesn't mean we killed the enemy. Killing the man doesn't mean we killed the evil.

God said vengeance was His. Ghandi said, "An eye for an eye and the whole world goes blind." I know why we didn't listen and maybe ten years ago I believed war was necessary, but I was wrong. I wish we would have listened.

Hunger Games, Catching Fire, Mockingjay

"I'll tell them how I survive it. I'll tell them that on bad mornings, it feels so impossible to take pleasure in anything because I'm afraid it could be taken away. That's when I make a list in my head of every act of goodness I've seen someone do. It's like a game. Repetitive. Even a little tedious after more than twenty years. But there are much worse games to play." 

Suzanne Collins was riveting in her word choice, aggravating with the number of twists in the plot, and solid with her final words. If you have not yet read Hunger Games or its sequels then I urge you to pick it up soon. Being someone who likes to stay ahead of the characters in the story, having the advantage of knowing all the sides in being the reader, I was both frustrated and captivated by the fact that I never seemed to figure out which direction Suzanne was writing for or where she was going in the pages to come. There were moments of sheer intensity so well articulated that it made my skin crawl and other moments were so intimate I felt as though I should not be present for such a time. Mrs. Collins also displays impeccable timing, inserting the most sincere comments during the moments when the adrenaline is pumping that reminds there was a life before everything began to unravel. My only hope is that as the written word is translated onto the big screen that the emotions Collins so easily stirs are not lost. 

Books I've Read in 2011

The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson
The Girl Who Played With Fire by Stieg Larsson
The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest by Stieg Larsson
Testimony by Anita Shreve
Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen
Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell 
Heaven Is for Real by Todd Burpo
Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins
Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins
Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins
Have A Little Faith by Mitch Albom
Something Borrowed by Emily Giffin
Something Blue by Emily Giffin
Uprising by Erwin McManus
The Guardian by Nicholas Sparks

Movies I've Seen in 2011 (bold are 2011 movies)

No Strings Attached
I Am Number Four
The Adjustment Bureau
Red Riding Hood
Sanctum
Rango
The Green Hornet
Just Go With It
Tron:Legacy
Matching Jack
The Canyon
I Love You Too
Conviction
Law Abiding Citizen
Black Swan
Brothers
The Fighter
The King's Speech
Sunshine Cleaning
Takers
Gnomeo and Juliet
Country Strong
Like Dandelion Dust
Stiletto
The Spirit
Never Let Me Go
Rabbit Hole
All About Steve
Alex and Emma
The Dilemma
Source Code
Megamind
Limitless
Water for Elephants
Hop
Beyond the Blackboard 
Sucker Punch
Eagle Eye
Underworld: Rise of the Lycans 
Soul Surfer
Nothing But The Truth
Whiteout
Justin Bieber: Never Say Never
The Girl Who Played With Fire
Fragments
Thor
Something Borrowed
Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
Your Highness
Scream 4
Arthur
Everybody's Fine
Southland Tales
Beastly
Percy Jackson and The Olympians: The Lightning Thief
X-Men First Class
The Green Lantern 
Super 8
Kung Fu Panda 2
From Prada to Nada
My House in Umbria
Horrible Bosses
Transformers: Dark Side of the Moon
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part II
Captain America: The First Avenger
The Help
Crazy, Stupid, Love
Contagion
Rise of the Planet of the Apes
Moneyball
Warrior
Abduction
The Three Musketeers
The Lincoln Lawyer
15 Minutes
Carriers
Twilight Saga Breaking Dawn Part 1
One Day
Hugo
Real Steel
Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol
The Muppets
Sherlock Holmes: Game of Shadows
Cowboys and Aliens
In Time

What If He'd Asked You to Stay?

Friends of mine, a married couple, recently started a new ministry. Truth be told, I don't know much about it and for personal reasons I haven't asked the right questions to be well informed. Anyway, they recently launched their website and, of course, I gave it a thorough run threw. Everything seems to be on the up and up, nothing blasphemous in any way (which is good), but there's one thing that didn't quite settle with me. Now perhaps I am being overly critical, perhaps my personal opinions (and occasionally still hurt feelings) are unable to keep me from being biased. I would like to think that isn't the case, but I am human. 


At some point in their opening statement of introducing the new adventure that they are about to embark on they call the life they are currently living 'mundane'. Granted, I know that it's a matter of opinion and that it very well may be just that, typical and ordinary. But the comment that immediately follows is that a life outside of the one they are currently living would somehow be more exciting, which considering what they are going to do is probably true. And I am a big believer about seizing the moment because you never know if you will cross another one like it. However, not all of those moments have to be the extravagant ones that take place on center stage. If there's one thing that I've learned over the last year it's that sometimes the moments that count aren't the most glamorous or exciting or public. Sometimes it's doing the things that few will notice that will have the greatest impact. It's the change that takes place inside of us that matters more than the changes that everyone else sees. And it's not about life being exciting, it's about life being purposeful and carrying out the purpose that God has placed on your life. 


Jesus had some exciting, center stage moments, but He also had some simple, typical moments. All that mattered to Him was being in the right place at the right time, and it didn't matter if He was sitting with Mary in her living room or walking on water. Every moment had a purpose that He neither classified as exciting or mundane. Every encounter had a purpose! 


Now hear me when I say that I am in no way telling my friends they are wrong for what they said. And perhaps the way I read it is not AT ALL the way that they meant it. All I know is that it stirred something in me I felt I needed to share. Right now, my life is not what anyone would necessarily call exciting, I can think of much more exciting things to do with my time, however I know that every moment is necessary. And Christ promised a life to the fullest, and I will drive this point home until I am blue in the face, living in the middle is boring, but you cannot and will not ever fully appreciate the fullness of how exciting a life with God can be until  you know how ordinary it can feel at times. Sometimes you are just going through the motions, but those motions still have purpose and God wants that to keep us excited! 

Nerd Moment

Meet Zachary Levi, actor and singer extraordinaire! His talent in front of the camera is most widely known as 'Chuck Bartowski' on NBC's Chuck, while his musical talent has been featured in the most recent Disney movie Tangled along side Mandy Moore. However neither of those wonderful things are the reason that I chose to write about him. 


Perhaps a lesser known fact about Mr. Levi is that he is a Christian. In fact in an interview with Relevant Magazine he said, "My job on my set, I believe, is to first just love people and gain that trust with people where they know that I really do love them and care about their well-being, so that when they are running into problems, they will hopefully, at some point, come to me and ask me, 'What is your peace all about? What is your comfort all about? Where do you get your love? Where do you get your talents?' And I can turn to them and say without blinking, Jesus Christ." 


Now bare with me as I get a little spiritual and nerdy on you! As a Christian, I often wonder how many people that I see on television or the big screen or who have been labeled with a celebrity status for some other reason have a relationship with God. I can't help it. I look at them with a child-like wonder and every now and then find myself asking (inaudibly) if I will meet them in Heaven and then I go on to fantasize about how cool that would be! On one hand that sounds absolutely ridiculous, it's like I'm five again and wondering which Disney characters I will see at Disneyland. Yet, it also shows (in what some would call a strange way) that the child in me still wants/needs that certain "Disney magic". Actors and actresses like Zachary are people that I find myself looking up to for their talent and mastery of the craft. It seems as though just when we (as the public) thought that the arts of acting and cinematography couldn't get any better it finds a way to outdo itself. It's one of the things that keeps me asking for more, knowing that the entertainment industry as a whole hasn't run out of tricks! 


Now back to Zachary being a Christian. I wouldn't and don't respect any actor, actress, writer, director, producer, costume designer, makeup artist, or anyone else less for their religious preferences. I believe that everyone believes in something and I believe that if I truly want to be like Christ then I love that person no matter what and leave the rest to Him. However, knowing that Zachary Levi is a Christian is being the cherry on top of a very delicious sundae, something that being a Christian myself I appreciate on a whole separate level. 

My List

So everyone has a celebrity list and don't even try to pretend that you don't. It's the list (usually of five) that you get a free pass on from your spouse (or significant other) if you had the chance. My friends and I were talking about our lists earlier and I figured why not share it with all of you, so in no particular order...

BUT...I have another list. This list is one of all the females that I would love to paint the town with!

AND there you have it folks. Technically there are ten names on each of my list and the top five rotate in and out, but today this is the top five. Peace out kids!

He Rescued Me from Myself

I honestly have no idea what it's like to live a life without God in my face, or at least close by. And I used to always think that was a bad thing. I used to wonder how He could be my Savior if there was nothing He was rescuing me from. My parents are still married, I wasn't abused, I avoided most of the suffering that my friends didn't get to, and so for the longest time I couldn't see the pit that He had pulled me out of. Then, it finally clicked. The thing that poses the biggest threat to me, the only real danger that's lurking in the darkness is myself. The devil can't make me do anything and God won't make me do anything, I have control. I make the decisions that put me in harms way or keeps me far from it. It's not about being rescued from a situation or a circumstance or even another person. It's about being rescued from your own self-destructive tendencies. Everything the world has to offer is like a high, it feels good for a little while, but then the feeling is gone. The next time you have to up the annie in order to get the same whimsical, euphoric result and before you know it you're in a hole so deep you can't even see the surface to climb out. No one dug the hole for you, it wasn't put in your way to provide kicks and giggles for someone else, you did it. I did it. Isn't it ironic how a high can bring you lower than you ever thought possible?! God didn't rescue me from a moment in time, He rescues me everyday from myself. The smart thing to do is to not fight Him.

The Hardest Thing is Doing Nothing, or Close to It

If you were to ask me if I would take a bullet for someone the answer would be yes. The list of those I would willingly step in harms way for would most likely be of average length. I know I wouldn't have to think twice about it, after all, everyone wants to be a hero. Everyone wants to do the outrageously selfless thing. For me, taking a bullet would be easier than a lot of things. It would be easier than asking for forgiveness, it would be easier than admitting I was wrong, and it would most certainly be easier than telling someone that Jesus loves them. It's a strange notion that speaking such simple words could prove to be so challenging. I was commissioned to go and make disciples. I was commissioned to bring the same message Jesus did. I was commissioned to teach. Instead I would rather fix and orchestrate, I would prefer to provide a way out instead of a way through. I was commissioned to do the only thing that i am capable of doing and respectively, the easiest thing. You can imagine my surprise when I realized I didn't want to do what was asked of me because I thought it was too easy, and the lack of challenge meant a lack of significance. But I can't even do the easy thing. I'd rather take a bullet. How's that for irony? The only thing I can do is the last thing I would consider doing. They say when it comes to watching someone you love do something you hate the hardest thing to do is to do nothing. I think that's the second hardest thing. The hardest thing, it's watching someone you love do something you hate despite your words of wisdom and love and truth. Doing nothing is hard, but it isn't the worse thing. 

SAG Award Picks

Theatrical Motion Pictures

Outstanding Performance by a Cast in a Motion Picture:

The Fighter

Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Leading Role:

Jeff Bridges "True Grit"

Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Leading Role:

Natalie Portman "Black Swan"

Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Supporting Role:

Geoffrey Rush "The King's Speech"

Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Supporting Role:

Hailee Steinfeld "True Grit"

Primetime Television

Outstanding Performance by an Ensemble in a Drama Series:

The Good Wife

Outstanding Performance by an Ensemble in a Comedy Series:

Modern Family

Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Drama Series:

Hugh Laurie "House"

Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Drama Series:

Mariska Hargitay "Law & Order: SVU"

Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Comedy Series:

Ty Burrell "Modern Family"

Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Comedy Series:

Betty White "Hot in Cleveland"

Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Television Movie or Miniseries:

John Goodman "You Don't Know Jack"

Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Television Movie or Miniseries:

Claire Danes "Temple Grandin"

SAG Honors for Stunt Ensembles

Outstanding Performance for a Stunt Ensemble in a Motion Picture:

Inception

Outstanding Performance for a Stunt Ensemble in a Television Series:

Burn Notice

Black Swan

It's been called riveting, brazen, ridiculous, magnificent, spellbinding, and unsettling. Critics have stated it's unique, it's human, that it's the world at its worst, and the world at its best. With 2010 being the year of remakes, sequels, and threequels, Black Swan was a seductive breath of fresh air and has brought on new excitement for what 2011 has in store for the entertainment industry. Natalie Portman most definitely deserves all the acclaim that her performance has been receiving! Her transitions between the fragile Swan Princess to the seductively dangerous Black Swan were so flawless that if you were not paying close attention then you were sure to miss it. A performance that is truly Academy-Award worthy, Portman transforms from a shy, inhibited, uncertain performer striving for perfection, into someone so passionately compelled to dance it drives her mad. And she does so with hardly a raise to her voice. Black Swan is a compelling piece of pure cinema and Portman delivers more than anyone could've asked with a near impossible role. She paints a wonderfully tragic picture of the hero and villain that live inside all of us. We come to care for an impenetrable heroine without ever coming close to understanding her, or why. It gets under your skin and inside your mind. Black Swan is a must see for 2010!

Stage #5: Acceptance

You don't want to talk about it, not always, but you also don't want to be alone. My granny passed away a month ago today. It's not hard to talk about it, but sometimes I don't want to. I want to be around people who know what I'm feeling without me having to say it. I don't know how others deal with grief, but I think I'm in the acceptance stage. I just don't want to come to that conclusion alone. I don't doubt that it will get better, but when it doesn't feel that way what I have found most comforting is being in the company of someone who is doubting things as much as I am. I never wanted to do it alone.