Elephant in the Room

"It's the elephant in the room
And we pretend that we don't see it..." (the truth by kris allen)

...and were all great pretenders, we have to be. No one wants to admit they're thinking it, not even to themselves. But I have to admit it or it's going to incapacitate me. So hear goes nothing...this could be Grandmas last Easter.

Having the family around, everyone together, gives everyone this bitter sweet taste in their mouths. We love being together but were faced with the reality of losing the one that makes us feel complete. Today I wondered, if we sacrificed spending holidays together could we somehow lengthen Grandmas time. An unrealistic notion without a doubt, but sometimes potentially devastating times call for thoughts of impossible measures.

The worst part about this whole situation is not that my grandmothers dying, but the fact that she has a hard time enjoying the things she should. She knows all too well that her days are numbered and she can't forget, she can barely pretend otherwise. While the house is full of headache inducing commotion (that we wouldn't trade for the world) the truth can be ignored, there's plenty to distract you. However as everyone says their goodbyes and head for their respective homes, the silence settles in. And with the silence comes the truth. My grandmother has this unmistakeable look, it's the one that tells me she's thinking about everything she wishes she could forget. She had that look all day long. When all the family was finally gone she said everything the rest of us couldn't. This could be Grandmas last Easter.

We worry about what this family will look like when the one who makes us feel complete is gone, though none of us would admit that. The hardest part for us, is that she worries about it too.