Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Take A Chance or Wonder
Some people don't ask the questions they need to. Some don't get the answers they want. Some don't make the choices they should have. Others don't chase their dreams. Some spend all their time trying to fail and try again until they succeed or quit. Others never put their idea into action and they spend the latter years of life wondering what if. But mostly they wonder why they never took a chance. I don't like to wonder. The truth, at its worst and most hurtful moments, is always better. I can handle failure even with the blow to my pride. And I can handle pain even with the critical aches. I can process disappointment for it not going my way. But wondering isn't good enough. Knowing half isn't knowing enough. Taking a chance you have nothing to lose. In wondering you'll lose your first and only. Don't take a chance on wondering, take a chance on yourself.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Youre the Point
KING OF WONDERS/WE STAND AMAZED/THERES NO OTHER/OTHER THAN YOU/KING OF WONDERS/YOU KNOW THE WAY TO OUR HEARTS/AND THE MORE WE SEE THE MORE WE LOVE YOU
i was on my way to church this morning, entirely unmotivated, but forcing myself to go. my family praised me for my commitment (though i lacked conviction). i was just going to be good, thats exactly how i felt, dutiful. that should never be the motivation for anything, but thats all there was, a sense of duty. so i went to fulfill it and then be done. i text my cousin on the way to church and i told her i was wondering what the point was. she told me that she couldnt answer that for me and then she said, "i wish i could have faith in something that grand."
when you ask God a question Hes guaranteed to answer, sooner or later, one way or another.
i wanted to know what the point was. i grew up in church, been going since i was a baby. the last few months have been the first that ive gone to church without friends or family that have the kind of relationship with God that i do. its hard. this morning i was wondering, through my lack of desire, if i had been going to church my entire life for all the wrong reasons. (my cousin reassured me that this was not the case.) its intimidating being the only one who sees the point. because when youre the minority you wonder if youre the one whos missing something, because no one else seems to mind not having what you have. (however the key word is 'seems', and as you can tell from the text i got from my cousin, some part of her minds.) some days its easier to forsake what i believe in, to pretend that i dont believe in it or to just keep quiet about it. in some twisted fashion everyone wins. (but that too is a load.)
my cousin admitted that she wants what i have (just not in so many words). so then i have to decide is what i have worth sharing? all my life i have told myself and others that i believe it is. but all my life i have been surrounded by people who believe the very same thing. now im not. so now i have to decide again, is what i have worth sharing? and if so, then why am i not?
i asked what the point was. God gave me an answer.
my cousin is the point. my family is the point. the stranger at starbucks is the point. every soul that longs to believe in something bigger than itself. every heart that cant shake the feeling that there has to be something more. and you.
you are the point! and im sorry that i forgot that.
i was on my way to church this morning, entirely unmotivated, but forcing myself to go. my family praised me for my commitment (though i lacked conviction). i was just going to be good, thats exactly how i felt, dutiful. that should never be the motivation for anything, but thats all there was, a sense of duty. so i went to fulfill it and then be done. i text my cousin on the way to church and i told her i was wondering what the point was. she told me that she couldnt answer that for me and then she said, "i wish i could have faith in something that grand."
when you ask God a question Hes guaranteed to answer, sooner or later, one way or another.
i wanted to know what the point was. i grew up in church, been going since i was a baby. the last few months have been the first that ive gone to church without friends or family that have the kind of relationship with God that i do. its hard. this morning i was wondering, through my lack of desire, if i had been going to church my entire life for all the wrong reasons. (my cousin reassured me that this was not the case.) its intimidating being the only one who sees the point. because when youre the minority you wonder if youre the one whos missing something, because no one else seems to mind not having what you have. (however the key word is 'seems', and as you can tell from the text i got from my cousin, some part of her minds.) some days its easier to forsake what i believe in, to pretend that i dont believe in it or to just keep quiet about it. in some twisted fashion everyone wins. (but that too is a load.)
my cousin admitted that she wants what i have (just not in so many words). so then i have to decide is what i have worth sharing? all my life i have told myself and others that i believe it is. but all my life i have been surrounded by people who believe the very same thing. now im not. so now i have to decide again, is what i have worth sharing? and if so, then why am i not?
i asked what the point was. God gave me an answer.
my cousin is the point. my family is the point. the stranger at starbucks is the point. every soul that longs to believe in something bigger than itself. every heart that cant shake the feeling that there has to be something more. and you.
you are the point! and im sorry that i forgot that.
Tonights Tunes
Castaway...Chasen
So Please...Starlume
Call Me...Shinedown
Inside These Lines...Trant Dabbs
Strange...Tokio Hotel
Wake Up Exhausted...Tegan and Sara
Existentialism on Prom Night...Straylight Run
Never Think...Rob Pattinson
So Please...Starlume
Call Me...Shinedown
Inside These Lines...Trant Dabbs
Strange...Tokio Hotel
Wake Up Exhausted...Tegan and Sara
Existentialism on Prom Night...Straylight Run
Never Think...Rob Pattinson
Its Often All the Same to Me
you always wonder what people will think when you write about something personal for a group of people. you wonder who will read it when you make it public, you wonder who will tell you they read it, and i think above all else you wonder what their reaction will be. for me thats the most nerve wrecking part!i want to know what theyre thinking but i dont want to ask them.
they say that silence is deafening, and i only think theres truth to that because the silence allows your own mind to think what it wants as loudly as it wants to. its almost like you have this strange internal argument where the rational side of you is trying to talk the irrational side down from the ledge, only to realize that nothing is working. we still try to calm ourselves down anyway. we dont want to speak the lunacy out loud because we want it to be our secret that were crazy...well get over that notion right quick because it doesnt work that way.
when i wrote this poem i did so for someone else, and they had no prior knowledge. most days i have plenty to say on my own, but every now and then whatever im saying im not saying for me. you cant always put things into perspective for yourself, sometimes you need someone on the outside looking in to do it for you. now by no means am i on the outside of this situation, but in the brief moments it took me to write this, i was, standing on the outside. and when i was done writing it the irrational side of me ran towards the edge of the cliff with record pace. this dark cloud of doubt had settled over what i had just done, these unrealistic ramifications settled in and made me feel incapable of sharing it.
life, death, love, loss, grief, anger, etc...all of these are very touchy subjects to write about, especailly when the subject is real and present. i wrote "maybe its enough" three weeks before i posted it for the public eye. granted, all the doubt couldve played a significant role in the timing of this particular piece, but i had no reason to doubt at all. i only know of one person whos read it. it just so happens that this person is the reason i wrote it in the first place. she didnt have to tell me and she certainly didnt have to thank me, but she did.
its been said that people put pen to page to make sense of the confusing and bring peace to a restlessness within them. i like writing for myself, for me its the fastest way that i can make sense of my world. but truth be told i would rather bring peace to someone elses world, there is no greater feeling than that, someone elses sigh of relief. that brings peace to me just the same.
they say that silence is deafening, and i only think theres truth to that because the silence allows your own mind to think what it wants as loudly as it wants to. its almost like you have this strange internal argument where the rational side of you is trying to talk the irrational side down from the ledge, only to realize that nothing is working. we still try to calm ourselves down anyway. we dont want to speak the lunacy out loud because we want it to be our secret that were crazy...well get over that notion right quick because it doesnt work that way.
when i wrote this poem i did so for someone else, and they had no prior knowledge. most days i have plenty to say on my own, but every now and then whatever im saying im not saying for me. you cant always put things into perspective for yourself, sometimes you need someone on the outside looking in to do it for you. now by no means am i on the outside of this situation, but in the brief moments it took me to write this, i was, standing on the outside. and when i was done writing it the irrational side of me ran towards the edge of the cliff with record pace. this dark cloud of doubt had settled over what i had just done, these unrealistic ramifications settled in and made me feel incapable of sharing it.
life, death, love, loss, grief, anger, etc...all of these are very touchy subjects to write about, especailly when the subject is real and present. i wrote "maybe its enough" three weeks before i posted it for the public eye. granted, all the doubt couldve played a significant role in the timing of this particular piece, but i had no reason to doubt at all. i only know of one person whos read it. it just so happens that this person is the reason i wrote it in the first place. she didnt have to tell me and she certainly didnt have to thank me, but she did.
its been said that people put pen to page to make sense of the confusing and bring peace to a restlessness within them. i like writing for myself, for me its the fastest way that i can make sense of my world. but truth be told i would rather bring peace to someone elses world, there is no greater feeling than that, someone elses sigh of relief. that brings peace to me just the same.
Saturday, March 27, 2010
I Like The Way They Said It
I've said it before and so I will say it again, you don't always have to have the right words. If someone else has already written what you've tried to for so long, just go with that. Don't worry about making it your own. That's what writers do, they put pen to paper and scribe what others can't. Now I'm a OTH fan and so I thought I would share with you some of my favorite quotes from the show...Enjoy!
"Every song has a coda, a final movement, whether it fades out or crashes away, every song ends. is that any reason not to enjoy the music?"
-“Truth is still absolute. Believe that. Even when that truth is hard and cold, and more painful than you've ever imagined. And even when truth is more cruel than any lie.”
E.E. Cummings once wrote: 'To be nobody but yourself- in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else- means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.'
"Sometimes it's easy to feel like you're the only one in the world who's struggling, who's frustrated, or unsatisfied at barely getting by. But, that feeling is a lie and if you just hold on; just find the courage to face it all for another day, someone or something will find the way and make it all okay. Because we all need a little help sometimes, someone to help us hear the music in the world. To remind us that it won’t always be this way. That someone is out there, and that someone will find you." LES
"As happens sometimes, a moment settled and hovered and remained for much more than a moment. And sound stopped and movement stopped for much, much more than a moment. And then the moment was gone." LES
"when you stop fighting, you stop living. so.. find your fight. then fight like hell 'til your battle has won." PES
"Guess I’m just a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside a bitch" PES
"I want to believe in it all again..music and art...fate and love, and I want to believe that I've made the right choices, and I'm still on the right path, and there's still time to fix some mistakes I've made....I guess I want hope." PES
"Someone once said; "It's the good girls who keep diaries. The bad girls never have the time." Me? I just wanna live a life I'm gonna remember, even if I don't write it down." BPD
"Yeah, losing your heart’s desire is tragic. But gaining your heart’s desire... It’s all you can hope for. This year, I wished for love. To immerse myself in someone else and to wake a heart long afraid to feel. My wish was granted. And if having that is tragic… then give me tragedy. Because, I wouldn’t give it back for the world." PES
"Every song has a coda, a final movement, whether it fades out or crashes away, every song ends. is that any reason not to enjoy the music?"
-“Truth is still absolute. Believe that. Even when that truth is hard and cold, and more painful than you've ever imagined. And even when truth is more cruel than any lie.”
E.E. Cummings once wrote: 'To be nobody but yourself- in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else- means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.'
"Sometimes it's easy to feel like you're the only one in the world who's struggling, who's frustrated, or unsatisfied at barely getting by. But, that feeling is a lie and if you just hold on; just find the courage to face it all for another day, someone or something will find the way and make it all okay. Because we all need a little help sometimes, someone to help us hear the music in the world. To remind us that it won’t always be this way. That someone is out there, and that someone will find you." LES
"As happens sometimes, a moment settled and hovered and remained for much more than a moment. And sound stopped and movement stopped for much, much more than a moment. And then the moment was gone." LES
"when you stop fighting, you stop living. so.. find your fight. then fight like hell 'til your battle has won." PES
"Guess I’m just a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside a bitch" PES
"I want to believe in it all again..music and art...fate and love, and I want to believe that I've made the right choices, and I'm still on the right path, and there's still time to fix some mistakes I've made....I guess I want hope." PES
"Someone once said; "It's the good girls who keep diaries. The bad girls never have the time." Me? I just wanna live a life I'm gonna remember, even if I don't write it down." BPD
"Yeah, losing your heart’s desire is tragic. But gaining your heart’s desire... It’s all you can hope for. This year, I wished for love. To immerse myself in someone else and to wake a heart long afraid to feel. My wish was granted. And if having that is tragic… then give me tragedy. Because, I wouldn’t give it back for the world." PES
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