Youre the Point

KING OF WONDERS/WE STAND AMAZED/THERES NO OTHER/OTHER THAN YOU/KING OF WONDERS/YOU KNOW THE WAY TO OUR HEARTS/AND THE MORE WE SEE THE MORE WE LOVE YOU

i was on my way to church this morning, entirely unmotivated, but forcing myself to go. my family praised me for my commitment (though i lacked conviction). i was just going to be good, thats exactly how i felt, dutiful. that should never be the motivation for anything, but thats all there was, a sense of duty. so i went to fulfill it and then be done. i text my cousin on the way to church and i told her i was wondering what the point was. she told me that she couldnt answer that for me and then she said, "i wish i could have faith in something that grand."

when you ask God a question Hes guaranteed to answer, sooner or later, one way or another.

i wanted to know what the point was. i grew up in church, been going since i was a baby. the last few months have been the first that ive gone to church without friends or family that have the kind of relationship with God that i do. its hard. this morning i was wondering, through my lack of desire, if i had been going to church my entire life for all the wrong reasons. (my cousin reassured me that this was not the case.) its intimidating being the only one who sees the point. because when youre the minority you wonder if youre the one whos missing something, because no one else seems to mind not having what you have. (however the key word is 'seems', and as you can tell from the text i got from my cousin, some part of her minds.) some days its easier to forsake what i believe in, to pretend that i dont believe in it or to just keep quiet about it. in some twisted fashion everyone wins. (but that too is a load.)

my cousin admitted that she wants what i have (just not in so many words). so then i have to decide is what i have worth sharing? all my life i have told myself and others that i believe it is. but all my life i have been surrounded by people who believe the very same thing. now im not. so now i have to decide again, is what i have worth sharing? and if so, then why am i not?

i asked what the point was. God gave me an answer.

my cousin is the point. my family is the point. the stranger at starbucks is the point. every soul that longs to believe in something bigger than itself. every heart that cant shake the feeling that there has to be something more. and you.

you are the point! and im sorry that i forgot that.