My List

So everyone has a celebrity list and don't even try to pretend that you don't. It's the list (usually of five) that you get a free pass on from your spouse (or significant other) if you had the chance. My friends and I were talking about our lists earlier and I figured why not share it with all of you, so in no particular order...

BUT...I have another list. This list is one of all the females that I would love to paint the town with!

AND there you have it folks. Technically there are ten names on each of my list and the top five rotate in and out, but today this is the top five. Peace out kids!

He Rescued Me from Myself

I honestly have no idea what it's like to live a life without God in my face, or at least close by. And I used to always think that was a bad thing. I used to wonder how He could be my Savior if there was nothing He was rescuing me from. My parents are still married, I wasn't abused, I avoided most of the suffering that my friends didn't get to, and so for the longest time I couldn't see the pit that He had pulled me out of. Then, it finally clicked. The thing that poses the biggest threat to me, the only real danger that's lurking in the darkness is myself. The devil can't make me do anything and God won't make me do anything, I have control. I make the decisions that put me in harms way or keeps me far from it. It's not about being rescued from a situation or a circumstance or even another person. It's about being rescued from your own self-destructive tendencies. Everything the world has to offer is like a high, it feels good for a little while, but then the feeling is gone. The next time you have to up the annie in order to get the same whimsical, euphoric result and before you know it you're in a hole so deep you can't even see the surface to climb out. No one dug the hole for you, it wasn't put in your way to provide kicks and giggles for someone else, you did it. I did it. Isn't it ironic how a high can bring you lower than you ever thought possible?! God didn't rescue me from a moment in time, He rescues me everyday from myself. The smart thing to do is to not fight Him.

The Hardest Thing is Doing Nothing, or Close to It

If you were to ask me if I would take a bullet for someone the answer would be yes. The list of those I would willingly step in harms way for would most likely be of average length. I know I wouldn't have to think twice about it, after all, everyone wants to be a hero. Everyone wants to do the outrageously selfless thing. For me, taking a bullet would be easier than a lot of things. It would be easier than asking for forgiveness, it would be easier than admitting I was wrong, and it would most certainly be easier than telling someone that Jesus loves them. It's a strange notion that speaking such simple words could prove to be so challenging. I was commissioned to go and make disciples. I was commissioned to bring the same message Jesus did. I was commissioned to teach. Instead I would rather fix and orchestrate, I would prefer to provide a way out instead of a way through. I was commissioned to do the only thing that i am capable of doing and respectively, the easiest thing. You can imagine my surprise when I realized I didn't want to do what was asked of me because I thought it was too easy, and the lack of challenge meant a lack of significance. But I can't even do the easy thing. I'd rather take a bullet. How's that for irony? The only thing I can do is the last thing I would consider doing. They say when it comes to watching someone you love do something you hate the hardest thing to do is to do nothing. I think that's the second hardest thing. The hardest thing, it's watching someone you love do something you hate despite your words of wisdom and love and truth. Doing nothing is hard, but it isn't the worse thing. 

SAG Award Picks

Theatrical Motion Pictures

Outstanding Performance by a Cast in a Motion Picture:

The Fighter

Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Leading Role:

Jeff Bridges "True Grit"

Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Leading Role:

Natalie Portman "Black Swan"

Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Supporting Role:

Geoffrey Rush "The King's Speech"

Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Supporting Role:

Hailee Steinfeld "True Grit"

Primetime Television

Outstanding Performance by an Ensemble in a Drama Series:

The Good Wife

Outstanding Performance by an Ensemble in a Comedy Series:

Modern Family

Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Drama Series:

Hugh Laurie "House"

Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Drama Series:

Mariska Hargitay "Law & Order: SVU"

Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Comedy Series:

Ty Burrell "Modern Family"

Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Comedy Series:

Betty White "Hot in Cleveland"

Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Television Movie or Miniseries:

John Goodman "You Don't Know Jack"

Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Television Movie or Miniseries:

Claire Danes "Temple Grandin"

SAG Honors for Stunt Ensembles

Outstanding Performance for a Stunt Ensemble in a Motion Picture:

Inception

Outstanding Performance for a Stunt Ensemble in a Television Series:

Burn Notice

Black Swan

It's been called riveting, brazen, ridiculous, magnificent, spellbinding, and unsettling. Critics have stated it's unique, it's human, that it's the world at its worst, and the world at its best. With 2010 being the year of remakes, sequels, and threequels, Black Swan was a seductive breath of fresh air and has brought on new excitement for what 2011 has in store for the entertainment industry. Natalie Portman most definitely deserves all the acclaim that her performance has been receiving! Her transitions between the fragile Swan Princess to the seductively dangerous Black Swan were so flawless that if you were not paying close attention then you were sure to miss it. A performance that is truly Academy-Award worthy, Portman transforms from a shy, inhibited, uncertain performer striving for perfection, into someone so passionately compelled to dance it drives her mad. And she does so with hardly a raise to her voice. Black Swan is a compelling piece of pure cinema and Portman delivers more than anyone could've asked with a near impossible role. She paints a wonderfully tragic picture of the hero and villain that live inside all of us. We come to care for an impenetrable heroine without ever coming close to understanding her, or why. It gets under your skin and inside your mind. Black Swan is a must see for 2010!

Stage #5: Acceptance

You don't want to talk about it, not always, but you also don't want to be alone. My granny passed away a month ago today. It's not hard to talk about it, but sometimes I don't want to. I want to be around people who know what I'm feeling without me having to say it. I don't know how others deal with grief, but I think I'm in the acceptance stage. I just don't want to come to that conclusion alone. I don't doubt that it will get better, but when it doesn't feel that way what I have found most comforting is being in the company of someone who is doubting things as much as I am. I never wanted to do it alone.

December 2, 2010 - January 2, 2011

It's only been a month. And when you put it that way, it doesn't sound like it's really been long at all, but it feels like it's been an eternity. I spent the afternoon with my dad and my aunt because I wanted to be with people who were there when the month started. I'd be lying if I said it felt different, after a month having gone by, but it doesn't. I didn't know what I was supposed to feel then and I don't know now. Maybe after two months I will have better clarity.