I've Wondered All My Life if I Would Know What to Say

(watch the video and pay more attention to the words of the song than the video itself. this may seem a little 'out there' for a while, but i promise that it will make sense by the end.)

A little bit of background for the video will help you understand why I chose it. If you have never watched the show House MD then you should because its great, and the characters in this video have, for the last six years been going back and forth with their relationship. It has been a very love/hate struggle that has kept fans on the edge of their seats. While on some counts its frustrating at the same time its realistic about the wrestling the heart does with putting itself out there.

(If this only applies to me then I am completely okay with that, even though I highly doubt it.)

We all want that feeling, that someone where we look at them and know with complete certainty that theyre it. But a love like that is scary and threatening because you want to give your whole heart to it, but something so passionate and so strong can be painful and uncertain. We spend all this time trying to protect our hearts that when we find the person we want to be unrestrained with its hard. We drop hints and have moments where we are daring to be brave and then we go back into hiding because they dont match our vulnerability. We dance in circles because thats what weve become good at. In a heartbeat we would drop anything for that person, but when they point it out we turn and run the other way. We convince ourselves that its better to be alone then needed or to need someone else. We try to move on with something less intimidating, and so less exciting, less of a risk. We settle which solves nothing but again, its easy. We spend our lives thinking about what we would say or do if the moment finally came and then we miss it when it does. Pretending that we dont care or dont want it is easier. But I want to dare to love that fiercely. I want to have a love that is that complicated because nothing worth having comes without a fight. I want a love that scares me and thrills me, that makes me vulnerable and strong, that makes me smile even as I'm crying. I want a love that will catch me from behind even though I'm looking at it in the face. I want the love that never ceases to make my heart flutter or my palms sweat, or aggravates me to no end. I want the love that will recognize me strength and be stronger still. I want the love that pushes me away just to see whether or not I really mean it when I tell it I love it. I want the love that when the moment comes my eyes say everything and so do his.

(i dont really know if that made sense the way that i wanted it to, but hopefully some part of you gets it)