Longing To Belong and Not

Last night was good. Last night was also difficult. It's rough wanting something so much, it feeling so right and being told no. Told I can't have it. Being home (in Eugene) I know where I belong. I know what to do, where to go, and who to invest in. It's like riding a bicycle, or breathing, I don't have to remember how to because I don't forget. I don't have to think twice. There in lies the problem. Knowing where I belong comes with such a sense of safety that I tend to forget who I belong to. Now, consciously I know it's more important to remember who's I am, but most of the time it's easier to react instead of respond. I was driving home from church last night strongly missing home and I found myself asking God if I could move back home. It felt so good to be breathing fresh air again, to feel like myself again. I took the long way home because I wanted to feel it all again! But when I let my thoughts quiet down just enough I heard God tell me, "you can't stay". I wanted to ask why, but I already knew the answer. I can't stay because He's calling me to something greater then comfortability. He's not calling me to belong to a place but to Him. Part of me wants to argue that something that feels so right can't be wrong, but I have a feeling it would be futile. I know He would let me plead my case but when I finally paused to take a breath He would still tell me, "you can't stay".