Sometimes God heals your hurts by taking the hurtful things from you. Sometimes He does it by asking you to lay it down and doesn't tell you if you'll be picking it back up again. Sometimes He does it by simply having you work through it with wisdom and grace. And sometimes He uses a completely different situation to restore what you thought you lost for good.
This past week I had one conversation that put so much into perspective for me. God brought to the surface a hurt that I had not yet openly confronted because I didn't like talking about the fact that I had been hurt at all. God cares enough that I don't like talking about it to know that I need to talk about it and to provide an opportunity for it to happen. Well, it happened. And no, I didn't like it, but I am so grateful for it! Sometimes we have to speak our fears out loud to realize how ridiculous they sound! My fear sounded ridiculous (so said my friend), but it stemmed from a truth and so was very real for me. Needless to say, it's not real anymore. God is using an entirely different situation, and a brand new friendship to restore things in me that I had been previously robbed of. It's amazing and God is so faithful!
After the conversation I just felt this peace come over me! It's a beautiful thing when God whispers in your ear that everything is going to be alright!
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Monday, May 2, 2011
The September Dead
It was my freshman year and I hadn't even been at school a week. I remember that morning like it was yesterday, time stood still as the nation was stunned to silence and tears. Now May 1, 2011 is another day I will not soon forget. I was sitting in a coffee shop in Old Town with friends, we hadn't been there twenty minutes before we heard the news and we immediately went to our phones to see how accurate it was; after all word spread like wildfire on Facebook and we all know how reliable that is. The first article we saw said "Unconfirmed", but as the night went on the details came out and the celebrating started. "Osama Bin Laden is dead!", walking down the street it was everywhere. Everyone wanted to make sure that the good news had spread. 'Good news', that phrase makes me smile a crooked smile.
It's good news for many and for those who found cause in it to celebrate part of me envies you, because I could not. I wish the death of one man made a difference to me, but it doesn't. In fact I wish all the "good" we've done with this war mattered to me, but it doesn't. I realize how unpopular my opinion is and I don't mean to offend anyone! I am grateful to the soldiers who were willing to go and to the families who clenched their fists and held their breath awaiting their return. I can never thank you enough for the sacrifice that you made! But one man's death doesn't change what happened that day or the days and months and years that followed. We invaded a nation where we couldn't tell the difference between the guilty and the innocent because they invaded us and didn't care if there was a difference. I was devastated that day, I pleaded with God to wake me from the nightmare and I wasn't even there. My heart broke with those of people I would never meet and I mourned the loss of those I would never know.
In the days that followed I realized that the nation I foolishly believed was somehow above such an atrocity, wasn't, and war had been brought to us. It was at our front door demanding our attention and we dared not look the other way. I understood our need to respond and I understand the need for justice. In the months or years it took to plan the attack our enemy recruited thousands of unknowing Americans to be the first casualties of a war we never saw coming. I burned with hatred at the evil man is capable of, and I burned with anger at its effectiveness, but I did not want the war!
There's a reason God says that vengeance is His (Romans 12:19), He doesn't want us fighting either. I wish we would have listened. Both sides have lost thousands, soldiers come home with PTSD, missing limbs, nightmares, and in caskets. Children have lost their fathers, mothers, aunts and uncles, their siblings. We've spent billions dollars, and for what? Bin Laden was a monster preying on the innocent, but how many of those in the Middle East say the same about us? How many would say that we are worse? How many are celebrating his death as a martyr while we celebrate those who took his life? This war stopped being about justice a long time ago, now it's about which side blinks first. Sometimes I wonder what things would look like today had we done nothing. If we had mourned our loss, rallied to rebuild, but had not chosen to fight back. It is so much more difficult to refuse a war or stop one then it is to start one. Was the initial bloodshed not more than enough?!
Sometimes I wonder if I would feel differently had I been there. I wonder if vengeance would've been at the top of my list instead of healing had I lost someone that day. I was lucky, all the people I knew in New York were terrified, but safe. I wonder if I had been on one of the planes if in the moments before it was over I would be hoping my country would avenge my death. I can't honestly answer any of the questions I have asked myself over the last ten years about that day. Every answer I would give is tainted by the events that have happened and by what I believe. Every answer I would give is only what I would hope to be the truth, and even at that it's safe to say most wouldn't like it.
My heart aches for the families who have lost loved ones, for the city that will never be the same, and the nation that realized the hard way it is not invincible. But my heart also aches for those who's hatred burned so red hot that they believed this act of violence was the only way to quench it. I ache for those who carried this out in the name of God and will enter eternity only to realize they had no idea who He was or what He wanted for them.
A decade passed and we finally killed the man, but killing the man doesn't mean we killed the enemy. Killing the man doesn't mean we killed the evil.
God said vengeance was His. Ghandi said, "An eye for an eye and the whole world goes blind." I know why we didn't listen and maybe ten years ago I believed war was necessary, but I was wrong. I wish we would have listened.
It's good news for many and for those who found cause in it to celebrate part of me envies you, because I could not. I wish the death of one man made a difference to me, but it doesn't. In fact I wish all the "good" we've done with this war mattered to me, but it doesn't. I realize how unpopular my opinion is and I don't mean to offend anyone! I am grateful to the soldiers who were willing to go and to the families who clenched their fists and held their breath awaiting their return. I can never thank you enough for the sacrifice that you made! But one man's death doesn't change what happened that day or the days and months and years that followed. We invaded a nation where we couldn't tell the difference between the guilty and the innocent because they invaded us and didn't care if there was a difference. I was devastated that day, I pleaded with God to wake me from the nightmare and I wasn't even there. My heart broke with those of people I would never meet and I mourned the loss of those I would never know.
In the days that followed I realized that the nation I foolishly believed was somehow above such an atrocity, wasn't, and war had been brought to us. It was at our front door demanding our attention and we dared not look the other way. I understood our need to respond and I understand the need for justice. In the months or years it took to plan the attack our enemy recruited thousands of unknowing Americans to be the first casualties of a war we never saw coming. I burned with hatred at the evil man is capable of, and I burned with anger at its effectiveness, but I did not want the war!
There's a reason God says that vengeance is His (Romans 12:19), He doesn't want us fighting either. I wish we would have listened. Both sides have lost thousands, soldiers come home with PTSD, missing limbs, nightmares, and in caskets. Children have lost their fathers, mothers, aunts and uncles, their siblings. We've spent billions dollars, and for what? Bin Laden was a monster preying on the innocent, but how many of those in the Middle East say the same about us? How many would say that we are worse? How many are celebrating his death as a martyr while we celebrate those who took his life? This war stopped being about justice a long time ago, now it's about which side blinks first. Sometimes I wonder what things would look like today had we done nothing. If we had mourned our loss, rallied to rebuild, but had not chosen to fight back. It is so much more difficult to refuse a war or stop one then it is to start one. Was the initial bloodshed not more than enough?!
Sometimes I wonder if I would feel differently had I been there. I wonder if vengeance would've been at the top of my list instead of healing had I lost someone that day. I was lucky, all the people I knew in New York were terrified, but safe. I wonder if I had been on one of the planes if in the moments before it was over I would be hoping my country would avenge my death. I can't honestly answer any of the questions I have asked myself over the last ten years about that day. Every answer I would give is tainted by the events that have happened and by what I believe. Every answer I would give is only what I would hope to be the truth, and even at that it's safe to say most wouldn't like it.
My heart aches for the families who have lost loved ones, for the city that will never be the same, and the nation that realized the hard way it is not invincible. But my heart also aches for those who's hatred burned so red hot that they believed this act of violence was the only way to quench it. I ache for those who carried this out in the name of God and will enter eternity only to realize they had no idea who He was or what He wanted for them.
A decade passed and we finally killed the man, but killing the man doesn't mean we killed the enemy. Killing the man doesn't mean we killed the evil.
God said vengeance was His. Ghandi said, "An eye for an eye and the whole world goes blind." I know why we didn't listen and maybe ten years ago I believed war was necessary, but I was wrong. I wish we would have listened.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Hunger Games, Catching Fire, Mockingjay
"I'll tell them how I survive it. I'll tell them that on bad mornings, it feels so impossible to take pleasure in anything because I'm afraid it could be taken away. That's when I make a list in my head of every act of goodness I've seen someone do. It's like a game. Repetitive. Even a little tedious after more than twenty years. But there are much worse games to play."
Suzanne Collins was riveting in her word choice, aggravating with the number of twists in the plot, and solid with her final words. If you have not yet read Hunger Games or its sequels then I urge you to pick it up soon. Being someone who likes to stay ahead of the characters in the story, having the advantage of knowing all the sides in being the reader, I was both frustrated and captivated by the fact that I never seemed to figure out which direction Suzanne was writing for or where she was going in the pages to come. There were moments of sheer intensity so well articulated that it made my skin crawl and other moments were so intimate I felt as though I should not be present for such a time. Mrs. Collins also displays impeccable timing, inserting the most sincere comments during the moments when the adrenaline is pumping that reminds there was a life before everything began to unravel. My only hope is that as the written word is translated onto the big screen that the emotions Collins so easily stirs are not lost.
Suzanne Collins was riveting in her word choice, aggravating with the number of twists in the plot, and solid with her final words. If you have not yet read Hunger Games or its sequels then I urge you to pick it up soon. Being someone who likes to stay ahead of the characters in the story, having the advantage of knowing all the sides in being the reader, I was both frustrated and captivated by the fact that I never seemed to figure out which direction Suzanne was writing for or where she was going in the pages to come. There were moments of sheer intensity so well articulated that it made my skin crawl and other moments were so intimate I felt as though I should not be present for such a time. Mrs. Collins also displays impeccable timing, inserting the most sincere comments during the moments when the adrenaline is pumping that reminds there was a life before everything began to unravel. My only hope is that as the written word is translated onto the big screen that the emotions Collins so easily stirs are not lost.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Books I've Read in 2011
The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson
The Girl Who Played With Fire by Stieg Larsson
The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest by Stieg Larsson
Testimony by Anita Shreve
Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen
Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell
Heaven Is for Real by Todd Burpo
Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins
Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins
Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins
Have A Little Faith by Mitch Albom
Something Borrowed by Emily Giffin
Something Blue by Emily Giffin
Uprising by Erwin McManus
The Guardian by Nicholas Sparks
The Girl Who Played With Fire by Stieg Larsson
The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest by Stieg Larsson
Testimony by Anita Shreve
Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen
Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell
Heaven Is for Real by Todd Burpo
Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins
Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins
Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins
Have A Little Faith by Mitch Albom
Something Borrowed by Emily Giffin
Something Blue by Emily Giffin
Uprising by Erwin McManus
The Guardian by Nicholas Sparks
Monday, March 14, 2011
Movies I've Seen in 2011 (bold are 2011 movies)
No Strings Attached
I Am Number Four
The Adjustment Bureau
Red Riding Hood
Sanctum
Rango
The Green Hornet
Just Go With It
Tron:Legacy
Matching Jack
The Canyon
I Love You Too
Conviction
Law Abiding Citizen
Black Swan
Brothers
The Fighter
The King's Speech
Sunshine Cleaning
Takers
Gnomeo and Juliet
Country Strong
Like Dandelion Dust
Stiletto
The Spirit
Never Let Me Go
Rabbit Hole
All About Steve
Alex and Emma
The Dilemma
Source Code
Megamind
Limitless
Water for Elephants
Hop
Beyond the Blackboard
Sucker Punch
Eagle Eye
Underworld: Rise of the Lycans
Soul Surfer
Nothing But The Truth
Whiteout
Justin Bieber: Never Say Never
The Girl Who Played With Fire
Fragments
Thor
Something Borrowed
Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
Your Highness
Scream 4
Arthur
Everybody's Fine
Southland Tales
Beastly
Percy Jackson and The Olympians: The Lightning Thief
X-Men First Class
The Green Lantern
Super 8
Kung Fu Panda 2
From Prada to Nada
My House in Umbria
Horrible Bosses
Transformers: Dark Side of the Moon
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part II
Captain America: The First Avenger
The Help
Crazy, Stupid, Love
Contagion
Rise of the Planet of the Apes
Moneyball
Warrior
Abduction
The Three Musketeers
The Lincoln Lawyer
15 Minutes
Carriers
Twilight Saga Breaking Dawn Part 1
One Day
Hugo
Real Steel
Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol
The Muppets
Sherlock Holmes: Game of Shadows
Cowboys and Aliens
In Time
I Am Number Four
The Adjustment Bureau
Red Riding Hood
Sanctum
Rango
The Green Hornet
Just Go With It
Tron:Legacy
Matching Jack
The Canyon
I Love You Too
Conviction
Law Abiding Citizen
Black Swan
Brothers
The Fighter
The King's Speech
Sunshine Cleaning
Takers
Gnomeo and Juliet
Country Strong
Like Dandelion Dust
Stiletto
The Spirit
Never Let Me Go
Rabbit Hole
All About Steve
Alex and Emma
The Dilemma
Source Code
Megamind
Limitless
Water for Elephants
Hop
Beyond the Blackboard
Sucker Punch
Eagle Eye
Underworld: Rise of the Lycans
Soul Surfer
Nothing But The Truth
Whiteout
Justin Bieber: Never Say Never
The Girl Who Played With Fire
Fragments
Thor
Something Borrowed
Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
Your Highness
Scream 4
Arthur
Everybody's Fine
Southland Tales
Beastly
Percy Jackson and The Olympians: The Lightning Thief
X-Men First Class
The Green Lantern
Super 8
Kung Fu Panda 2
From Prada to Nada
My House in Umbria
Horrible Bosses
Transformers: Dark Side of the Moon
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part II
Captain America: The First Avenger
The Help
Crazy, Stupid, Love
Contagion
Rise of the Planet of the Apes
Moneyball
Warrior
Abduction
The Three Musketeers
The Lincoln Lawyer
15 Minutes
Carriers
Twilight Saga Breaking Dawn Part 1
One Day
Hugo
Real Steel
Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol
The Muppets
Sherlock Holmes: Game of Shadows
Cowboys and Aliens
In Time
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)