I am young with an old soul
I am a daughter
I am a sister
I am a friend
I am understanding
I am childish
I am mothering
I am talented
I am simple
I am complicated
I am creative
I am a writer
I am a musician
I am fashion conscious
I am a quick learner
I am tough
I am sensitive
I am strong-headed
I am light-hearted
I am imperfect
I am a follower of Christ
I am a good listener
I am selfish
I am selfless
I am determined
I am successful
I am beautiful
I am spontaneous
I am funny
I am me
Take it or leave it
Friday, February 26, 2010
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
What's My Secret?
Tonight a friend asked me how my heart stayed so soft. I've been through a hell of a lot in the last year and this friend was there for all for it. She wanted to know what my secret was. How is it that I'm still so patient and full of second chances? How is it that I still want to love people?
The only answer I could come up with is that I'm addicted to feeling. And not just feeling anything but something real. So if I wake up in the morning in a great mood I want to enjoy that, no questions asked. Or if I'm bearing a hurt so crushing that I can't tell which way is up, so be it. As long as it's real I can work through it or enjoy it.
So I guess that's my secret. I would rather feel everything than nothing. Nothing is harder. Feeling nothing means you're a stranger to yourself and to the rest of the world. And I want to know me so thr world can know me, the real me.
The only answer I could come up with is that I'm addicted to feeling. And not just feeling anything but something real. So if I wake up in the morning in a great mood I want to enjoy that, no questions asked. Or if I'm bearing a hurt so crushing that I can't tell which way is up, so be it. As long as it's real I can work through it or enjoy it.
So I guess that's my secret. I would rather feel everything than nothing. Nothing is harder. Feeling nothing means you're a stranger to yourself and to the rest of the world. And I want to know me so thr world can know me, the real me.
Is the Truth Always Worth It?!
I was both praised and condemned for being honest with you.
There are some days when I think that if I had to do it all over I wouldn't change anything. But there are other days that I feel like if given a 'do-over' i'd do it all differently.
I'm not sorry for being honest with you, in how I felt or what I thought, and I wouldn't ever want you to feel like you had to be sorry for being honest with me.
But there were times that I chose being honest with you over just simply loving you and for that I am sorry. See I was angry, and not even really at you, I just took it out on you and I am so sorry for that. I never wanted you to feel like you couldn't trust me.
There are some days when I think that if I had to do it all over I wouldn't change anything. But there are other days that I feel like if given a 'do-over' i'd do it all differently.
I'm not sorry for being honest with you, in how I felt or what I thought, and I wouldn't ever want you to feel like you had to be sorry for being honest with me.
But there were times that I chose being honest with you over just simply loving you and for that I am sorry. See I was angry, and not even really at you, I just took it out on you and I am so sorry for that. I never wanted you to feel like you couldn't trust me.
Always Home
Awhile back I wrote a series of blogs called The Singer, The Songwriter, and The Finale (also the titles of a great trilogy by Calvin Miller).
The Singer is about a girl called to change the world with her voice. She has the voice of an angel and the temper of an undisciplined artist. However, combine her passion and her gift and you have a dynamite combination. But try telling her that. She learns through trial and error and until she takes the plunge, she'll never know for sure. If she wanted she could just take everyones word for it, but there comes a point where she has to find it out on her own. Hopefully the first day of the rest of her life is today.
And then there's The Songwriter, struggling with doubt, from herself and from people she thought she could trust. Constantly wondering if she has what it takes and at the same time knowing that if she changes even one life it will be enough. So she keeps writing. And she puts herself out there for the world to rule in favor or against her. Waiting...for the songs she writes to be sung.
The Finale, it's currently TBD. God has big plans for both of them, but He's not giving any spoilers, not even to them, though they ask. For these two sometimes only knowing there is a point is enough, and other times they want to know what the point is. Most of the time they're out of luck and all they're left to do is trust. Trust is a verb, something that's not enough to talk about, but you actually have to do it. I wish I could flip to the back of their stories and tell you how it ends, but I can't. All I know is that their stories already have the greatest endings, no matter what goes on along the way.
If there's anything that can be learned from these two is that sometimes the only way you know for sure is to risk it all. For the times that it doesn't work out the way you want (or thought), dust yourself off and try again, but do it differently this time. Other times things don't fall into place as quickly as you hoped, but don't give up, it doesn't mean they won't, it just means there's more to pay attention to. And if, for some odd (and unlikely) reason these two chase their dreams to the edge of the map and it's not what they thought or wanted, if it's not everything that was promised, there's always home.
Home...that one place they will never doubt if they belong.
The Singer is about a girl called to change the world with her voice. She has the voice of an angel and the temper of an undisciplined artist. However, combine her passion and her gift and you have a dynamite combination. But try telling her that. She learns through trial and error and until she takes the plunge, she'll never know for sure. If she wanted she could just take everyones word for it, but there comes a point where she has to find it out on her own. Hopefully the first day of the rest of her life is today.
And then there's The Songwriter, struggling with doubt, from herself and from people she thought she could trust. Constantly wondering if she has what it takes and at the same time knowing that if she changes even one life it will be enough. So she keeps writing. And she puts herself out there for the world to rule in favor or against her. Waiting...for the songs she writes to be sung.
The Finale, it's currently TBD. God has big plans for both of them, but He's not giving any spoilers, not even to them, though they ask. For these two sometimes only knowing there is a point is enough, and other times they want to know what the point is. Most of the time they're out of luck and all they're left to do is trust. Trust is a verb, something that's not enough to talk about, but you actually have to do it. I wish I could flip to the back of their stories and tell you how it ends, but I can't. All I know is that their stories already have the greatest endings, no matter what goes on along the way.
If there's anything that can be learned from these two is that sometimes the only way you know for sure is to risk it all. For the times that it doesn't work out the way you want (or thought), dust yourself off and try again, but do it differently this time. Other times things don't fall into place as quickly as you hoped, but don't give up, it doesn't mean they won't, it just means there's more to pay attention to. And if, for some odd (and unlikely) reason these two chase their dreams to the edge of the map and it's not what they thought or wanted, if it's not everything that was promised, there's always home.
Home...that one place they will never doubt if they belong.
Monday, February 22, 2010
It Was A Great Day
Ever have one of those days where you feel trapped inside your own head? Where everything about your day reminds you of somewhere else and a completely different point in time? Ever spend the better part of that day trying to escape to no avail?
This was my day. And I had given up hope for it to change. It's funny what finds you when you stop searching and simply wait. It hit me like a ton of bricks, and I started crying. They weren't tears of joy or sadness, but freedom and an overwhelming awe of who my God is!
It took all of five minutes to make a day I couldve done without a great day!
This was my day. And I had given up hope for it to change. It's funny what finds you when you stop searching and simply wait. It hit me like a ton of bricks, and I started crying. They weren't tears of joy or sadness, but freedom and an overwhelming awe of who my God is!
It took all of five minutes to make a day I couldve done without a great day!
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