Super Trooper

You get to thinking that you can do it all. You let yourself believe that you can face anything and come through it all completely unscathed. You let yourself live as if it isn't going to bother you simply because you don't like being bothered. You could find yourself in the same situation a hundred times and it won't effect you, but there's always going to be that one that grabs ahold of you and doesn't let go. I found myself there this morning and I was literally pushed out of the way because I couldn't function. Every other time I had been able to push through it, see it through to the end and then lose control, but not this time. I stood in silence, shaking, waiting to feel normal again. I waited for a long time, and I'm not sure I'm totally there yet. I don't know if I will ever feel the same way again. But I was reminded that just because I can do it all doesn't mean it's good for me. I can't be the super trooper I have been known for. No one expects this to be easy for me, no one except for me. No one expects me to be in control, no one except for me. But I don't know how to live without the facade of either one.