'I'm Trying to be Strong...'

'I'm trying to be strong'...famous last words in my family. Words said with increasing frequency given our current family situation. But when my cousin looks at me with tears in her eyes, when she holds her breath to hold it together, those five words become infamous; and dangerous. I stood there, facing her, for several seconds before I moved to do anything. Most people would have instantly wrapped their arms around her, told her it was going to be okay, but those people wouldn't have taken the five seconds to look at the expression on her face. She wanted to be comforted, she might have even wanted to hear that it was going to be okay, but she didn't want to fall apart, she didn't want to feel out of control, and she didn't want to stop being strong. But strength is only real when you allow yourself to be weak. And comfort only truly works when you let all of your guard down. Today my cousin didn't want to do either. I wrapped one arm around her, kissed her forehead and told her I knew (that she was trying to be strong). Things are going to get difficult, it's going to be stressful and near devastating, but we're going to make sure the phrase 'I'm trying to be strong' goes down in history as the phrase that got us through. But if anyone were to listen very carefully, past the words anyone in my family actually says, then you would hear the other half of that infamous phrase...'I'm trying to be strong, BUT I'M FAILING'.