More Than They Bargained For

It doesn't matter whether you can say that statement in a positive or negative light when it comes to most things in life it's true, either it turns out better than you could've ever imagined or it's presenting more challenges than you thought possible. It's what you do, no matter which way the scale tips, that really counts. They say that the end justifies the pain it took to get there, and from where I sit right now, I can say that's true. Perseverance, endurance, trust, loyalty, forgiveness; those things are only strengthened when they are tested. And if you recognize the test early enough then you recognize that you have the tools needed to pass it, that it's not merely life being cruel if you see it as more than that. 

Robert and Wendy Bearden are two of the most incredible people that I know and I know that in loving us (you know who you are) they got more than they bargained for. You stick young, insecure, searching souls in one room for any length of time, let alone for three plus years, and you are bound to experience all the ups and downs at least one time over. People create headaches and heartaches and division and it's hard to process; it's hard to work through because it is work. Relationships are work, and are not for the faint of heart or the easily wearied. If it's not worth fighting for then it's not worth having, and if it's not worth having then you're going to find yourself alone, and that's no way to live a life. Even in my loneliest moments, I was never alone because these two reminded me that I wasn't. They loved me enough to let me make my own mistakes and go my own way, but they love me the way that God does because when I was ready to make the change they were there to walk through it with me. 

There were moments when I felt guilty for running to them because I couldn't do it alone, but the only time I ever got the "mom look", the one that says "you shouldn't have done that" were the times that I didn't come to them. And I wasn't the only one that they opened their home and their lives to. 

They took us all in, and under their wing, and it didn't always go the way they thought or the way they hoped, and sometimes the first try fell short; things sometimes fell apart before they fell back together, but that's life. That's the point. If we were perfect we would have no need for God's saving grace, there would be no growth, we would be born, live, and die the same person. Where's the fun in that? 

Every Mother's and Father's day I send Robert and Wendy my best wishes. They don't have kids of their own and while at times I give them a loving hard time about that, they invested their lives into ours with minimal reservation and truthfully had no time for diapers and middle of the night feedings. In the moments that life got too rough we would be there 'til the wee hours of the morning because even if we didn't want to admit it, we knew it was safe. 

I know that they got more than they bargained for, I also know they would consider that a good thing. And while I can't speak for everyone, I know that I got more than I bargained for as well. Trusting someone, let alone two people, with things in the deepest parts of your soul is risky, it's hard to get your mind and your heart to agree to it, and without that agreement what you actually do is left wide open and could be more dangerous in the long run. If you don't allow God to pull you out of where you're comfortable, if you don't trust Him to strengthen the trust you have with someone else then I promise you you're going to miss out on something incredible that God intended for you. 

Robert and Wendy are the only ones (I think) that I didn't fight God on when He told me to trust them. And even though I have yet to regret that decision and I'm certain that I never will, I've learned that opening up isn't about learning to trust someone else. It's more about being who you are, and not being ashamed or embarrassed or afraid of that. David, while dancing in the streets in the equivalent of his underwear, told his wife that he would "become even more undignified than this". It's hard to be undignified when you can't be raw and broken. David had undignified himself in his brokenness before God so that he could truly be undignified in the way that he glorified God. 

Robert and Wendy spent countless hours interceding, mentoring, listening, and lavishing us with love and grace and understanding, even when we were wrong. I look back over the last four years or so and you wouldn't believe some of the things that took place, and while they weren't (and aren't perfect) even when we selfishly expected them to be, they didn't quit; even though at times anyone could have justified their reasons to. As someone who has struggled with the feelings and the crippling heartache of abandonment, someone who doesn't quit despite what you throw at them is someone you learn really quickly to honor. 

The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb...Robert and Wendy and all of us "kids" are living proof of that, proof that what Christ died for isn't just a better eternal life, but the greatest life possible in the here and now. That life doesn't come without frustration, heartache, bitterness, or disappointment. But that life does come with grace, forgiveness, love, understanding, trust, freedom, and strength to make it through the moments that hurt like hell. The abundant life that God promises comes with people that you can take a risk with and through that risk gain more than you bargained for. 

xo
B