Do you ever feel like you're the soda in a 20oz bottle that someone has shaken up and you're just waiting to explode? Now any person who was paying attention would slowly release the pressure before attempting to take a drink of that soda. I suppose what I'm getting at is that I have learned to control my emotions that way.
Shake me up a little and I'm alright. Shake me up a lot and I'll explode, on the wrong person too because by that time, by the time all the pressure has built up the right person to explode on won't be around anymore. I don't like creating extra messes, mainly because I don't want to have to clean up more than is necessary. So, to avoid that I learned to slowly release the pressure, a little here and a little there, till eventually you can twist the cap all the way off (or open that part of my heart all the way up) without fear of getting covered in a sticky mess. It sounds like a good plan. Most of the time it is. But it only really works if you continue to consistently release the pressure little by little; that's the part that I am not so good with. I will release the pressure a little bit and then forget, I close the lid tightly and let the pressure build again. Or I go totally flat to the point where I'm not feeling anything. Neither is very good.
I'm not really sure what I'm getting at by saying all of this. I think I just needed to say it out loud, or see it written down, I don't know. I don't really recommend my method, but by that same notion sometimes releasing the pressure a little at a time is the only way to do it. Sometimes it's the only way that I can handle it. Sometimes the person I am most afraid of exploding all over is myself, which doesn't make the most sense, but sometimes I wonder if I release all the pressure at once then will I be unable to clean it up?
It's interesting, the ways we learn to protect ourselves from even ourselves.
